JUST LIKE THE BIG GUYS

OK, I’ll admit it, I went to a Delaware 87ers game on Saturday night.

NBA Development League game, the 76ers affiliate, at “The Bob” on the University of Delaware’s campus in Newark. The state of Delaware’s team.

And just like the Sixers (or at least how they used to be until the last week or so), the Sevens lost, to the Fort Wayne Mad Ants, 114-103. (Don’t know what a Mad Ant is, but maybe they’re named for the Revolutionary War American general Mad Anthony Wayne and just cut down the nickname to fit on hats.)

No stars here. It sort of reminded me of the one Eastern League game I went to sometime in the late 1960s, at good, old Camden Convention Hall. Camden Bullets vs. somebody. I just remember being there.

But about the 87ers…certainly not an NBA atmosphere. Not nearly loud enough. Don’t have to worry about your ears singing after a D-League game. No dancing girls (I don’t count the 76ers Jr. Dance team), no cannon’s shooting T-shirts into the stands, no screaming music.

But, just like seeing MeLVin the Dog on Chanukah Night at the Lehigh Valley Phantoms, there was the brilliant Caesar the Fox, a red fox, the 87ers mascot. Not sure what a red fox has to do with an 87er, except that he was named for Caesar Rodney, Delaware’s signer of the Declaration of Independence. Still working on any connection with MeLVin and phantoms, except that capital L and capital V.

And then there was this note in the game program, concerning Jamal Jones of the Sevens. He was praised for his defensive job on Seth Curry when the Sevens played the Erie Bayhawks; Curry went off for 43 points, BUT: “The former Duke shooter (Curry) had trouble dealing with Jones’ length, and did most of his damage when other 87ers were trying to check him.”

So why didn’t the genius coaching the 87s figure out that if he kept Jones on Curry, he might have scored only 34 points. Well, maybe he is a genius, since the Sevens won the game, holding the rest of the Bayhawks to 64 points.

It was worth the visit.

 

THAT POPE AGAIN

So the Pope, Francis I, baptized 33 babies on Sunday, inside the Sistine Chapel, with God looking down on them.

His advice to the mothers there? Breastfeed the kids.

Now if I were Pope, I’d have tuned it down a little. Well, maybe I’d ask one of two of them to demonstrate right there in the old Chapel…with God looking down.

Again, as I pointed out a few weeks ago, I’m now more sure than ever that I left my playbook in the Vatican when I went over there to interview for the job, because the breastfeeding thing was a part of my grand plan. Not up there with the 4 1/2 Commandments, but a part of it, like bringing back Cuba. You know, the humanity things.

And I still haven’t heard about getting together when he gets to Philly later this year.

E-A-G-L-E-S

I want to thank Chippy and Howie and Jeffie Boy for the entertaining start they’ve all given us to 2015.

We’re talking Eagles, baby, fire that Gamble guy on New Year’s Eve, Howie’s up 1-0 over the Chipster, big meetings (so Jeffie Boy says) to talk things out, and then promote/demote Howie. That’s a big W for Chippy, his biggest since skipping out on  Oregon and beating all those NCAA sanctions, so make it Chip 3, Howie 1.

Ever since the Big Twit (Jeffie Boy) has taken over the Eagles, there’s been this continual bickering, back-stabbing, front-stabbing (read all about it in Macbeth, Othello, King Lear and Hamlet) in the Eagles front office. This is all the Twit’s doing. Let’s just say he could take notes from Jerry Jones on running a tight ship.

But he’s always got things under control.

If you missed the basics, Chippy has COMPLETE control of player matters, and Howie has been given the extensive duties of managing the medical, training and equipment staffs, as well as writing the pay checks for the players that Chip really, really wants.

According to the Twit, at this big showdown, er, meeting, no threats were made. Which, of course means that threats were made. So you have to wonder which NFL team or college Chip suggested he might move to if he didn’t get his way.

That San Francisco job sure looked tasty.

So the Twitmaster basically gave in, told his boy Howie that the team needs a new dental consultant, so go hire one.

Do you understand how far Howie has fallen?

From up-and-coming general manager/player personnel guru, to hiring those guys who run around with water bottles and stick them in players’ faces in case they’re thirsty. Big drop from deciding on the Eagles QB of the future.

But I understand he’s looking to make a big splash on the medical side, like hiring the Czar of all the Diseases who, as you recall, has saved us all from Ebola. He would make sure there are no cases of athlete’s foot in the Eagles lockerroom.

Anyway, the Eagles have saved us all from paying attention to the woes of the Flyers and the woe-is-us 76ers, and the woebegone Phillies. (The Union still doesn’t count.)

I don’t know. Did one of their mothers marry a brother-in-law after killing her husband, or is one of them jealous of some black guy, or was one of them thrown out of the house by a daughter, or how about one of them just plain-old stabbing a king?

Sounds really familiar.

THE PARADE PASSED ME BY

So I went up to Broad Street for my annual New Year’s Day visit with the Mummers Parade.

The first notice that something was amiss was that cars were parked on Broad St. Then you realized that the parade wasn’t there, either.

For some reason, the Mummers had been moved into Center City, starting around the judging area at City Hall. That is unusual, starting a show with the final act. Why would anyway stay around for the prologue? After the judging, which started the “parade,” the Mummery would march back down Broad Street, south rather than north, but only to Washington Avenue.

Why not do it all backwards, reverse the tape, and then it would look like a normal parade.

But If there’s no marching, is it a parade?

I remember the stories of my youth, that New York City was going to buy the Mummers and have them perform like a Thanksgiving parade, right down that old 5th Avenue.

Right now, I don’t think NYC is interested. And I’m not sure about Philadelphia.

March up Broad St., do a dance here-and-there, strum your banjoes, beat a drum, get it right. It wasn’t in 2015.

 

 

EATING UP THE VOTES

So, have you all noticed the ubiquitous, and large, governor of New Jersey all over the TV screens during Cowboys games?

Dancing around with the Jones family in their private suite. Hugging everybody in sight. High-fiving any raised hands he sees. And then following the players, coaches and the Jones’ into the team’s lockerroom after the game?

Obviously the man is working hard for the Texas vote. Which won’t help him in the Garden State. Actually, I don’t think it will help him in Houston, either.

And I wonder who pays for his weekly trips to Big D? Campaign contributions?

But good to see the big guy enjoying himself. After all, those trips to Dallas get him out of New Jersey.

 

The Holidays

OK, Merry Christmas/Happy New Year.

Is that good enough?

I’d say Happy Chanukah, but you can read about that in the next section. Actually, I would never say that.

Hope you all have a great time with family and friends in the next few weeks and catch up with my somewhat inconsistent Thoughts.

And 15 years since the turn of the Millennium, we’re still here. What was it, Y2K?

One Night in Allentown

So I went to a hockey game last week and Judaism broke out.

There I was at the PPL Center in Allentown and it turned out to be Chanukah Night at the Lehigh Valley Phantoms.

They brought out a big Menorah and Allentown’s mayor and a rabbi lit candles. Then the rabbi really got into it with a song. He was movin’ around so much that I thought he would grab a fiddle and climb to the top of a roof.

Some little kid grabbed a microphone and the crowd, Jews and gentiles all, got into it with the hand-clapping.

Does that count as the first synagogue I’d ever been to? Do they always play hockey games after the singin’ and dancin’ ?

Prayers, what prayers?

Oh, the game. The Phantoms won, 5-3, after scoring three goals in the game’s first 36 seconds. From first goal to third, the actual playing time was 21 seconds. The goalie was pulled, which was too bad because that guy was going to stop nothing all night.

I can’t wait for Yom Kippur Night at the Phantoms.

Cuba si, Yanqui no

Remember those days?

Bay of Pigs? Missile Crisis? Fidel and Che? Fulgencio Batista? Minnie Minoso? Bert Campaneris? Chico Fernandez and Tony Taylor? (Never a Phillies doubleplay combo; Chico was gone before Tony arrived.)

All on the trash heap of history.

Hey, Havana, welcome back to Central America.

Welcome back cigars.

Seems the Pope played a role in all of this. Hey, I would have done it too if I had been elected. He probably found the playbook I left behind when I was looking over the Vatican as a potential new home. Guy is stealin’ my ideas.

And my people are still waiting to hear from his people to set up a pow-wow when he comes to Philly next year.

 

He Did It, He Did It

Remember just a few months ago when we were all gonna die from Ebola? Just all roll up into a ball in the streets and fade away?

But then Obama appointed a Czar of all the diseases, and he, apparently, waved a magic wand and, abracadabra, no more Ebola, or acne, or whooping cough, we’re all safe.

Let’s all go to Africa for the New Year to celebrate. Me, I’m headin’ for that South Sudan, how ’bout you?